“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood”…

Something very strange happened to me yesterday. I get up very early in the morning and take Chacha out for a long walk. From the day before I like to make my plans for the next day. I had planned to take out my car from the garage so I could sweep the floor and clean up a little bit. Then I was going to clean the back and front of my house and wash the windows. I like to have goals for myself each day and redeem the time.

When we came back from our long walk I took out my car from the garage, and I started sweeping the floor. I have done this hundreds of times without any problems. I had set my cell phone and small speaker on a ladder and was listening to the Psalms. As I swept I was rejoicing on the Psalms God had chosen for me that morning. The 2 particular Psalms that touched my heart were Psalm 91 and Psalm 94. I was praising His name out loud and thanking Him for His word.

I am doing that and still sweeping the floor. All of a suden I feel an invisible something grab the broom from the bottom and push it forcefully into my right eye! It was such a hard blow that I almost lost consciousness! I let out a scream and grabbed the door jam  that was handy. I felt nauseated from the intensity of the pain in my eye. My mouth started producing a lot of saliva and both of my eyes were shedding copious amounts of tears. Beside giving birth to my children I do not remember such intense pain! I stayed standing there hopping the pain would subside so I could try to open my eyes. It took a few more minutes when I finally was able to open them very slowly. My eyes were watering so much that my tee shirt got soaking wet from tears mucus and saliva. It was like all the fountains of my head had broken and were pouring out their contents. And I am NOT exaggerating!

When the worst was finally over and I was slowly opened my eyes, I was able to continue my work and in between I had to wipe my face from all the liquids coming out of it, but diminishing a little at the time. My eye was throbbing! What happened! Since when does a person stab her eye with a broom handle while she is sweeping even accidentally! Is that even possible! No! That is not normal!

In past weeks God has been taking me on roads showing me his secrets, showing me “hidden” things and this makes the enemy very mad. Just in case you still live in a world of illusion where you believe only what  you see and hear in your church and think that is all there really is, let me bust your bubble and tell  you there is a whole other world that you have been blinded to. If there is a group of people that should know and see that realm is Christians, the children of God. But instead we have been blinded and lolled to sleep. And the majority of the Christians do not want to know any more than they get! They live day to day satisfied with whatever comes, eating the crumbs they are fed at church, and dying spiritually. That is exactly what the enemy wants! Because having everyone he can weakened, blinded, and indifferent, he does not have any opposition to his work in this world.

Knowing what I know, I recognized immediately what had just happened to me. The devil had just attacked me! He cannot depress me any more, I do not fall for his lies any more, and he cannot stop the wonderful transformation God is doing in my life every day! So he tried to blind me! He hurt me and tried to stop me from beholding the beauty of my God’s creation. But God did not allow it!

I came into the house and told my husband what had happened. He took me in his arms and prayed for me. He rebuked Satan through the blood and the name of our Savior Jesus Christ while I wept in his arms. The pain came and went in waves with many tears pouring from my eye. My nose became sopped up and it was hard to breathe. He prepared me a glass of water with aspirin for the pain and I got into the shower.

For the next few hours I had several episodes of pain and many tears coming out of my eye. But that was necessary for my eye to heal. That was part of the touch of God to heal my eye. I even expected my eye to turn black from such a blow! But it did not happen, it was a little swollen for the rest of the day. I took two more doses of aspirin during the day and went to bed that night.

The next day I woke up rested with my eye 100% recuperated. The hand of God and the blood of Jesus healed me!

Scriptures are clear that as children of God we will be attacked by the enemy during our lives here on earth. If you are a child of God, the devil hates you! If you believe the love of God is big, the hate the devil has for you is just as big! And he will not stop at nothing to destroy you! The closer  you are to God the more he hates  you! But that is nothing to be afraid of! God is more powerful, much more than he is! And God always wins!

Seek the Lord! Seek God! Look for Him because Satan hates you even if  you are not a Christian! He hates humanity! His plan is to destroy man kind by whatever means he can find! If you only knew the things I have been discovering and the facts of what I just said! And all of it is in the Bible! They wont tell you of it in church because they themselves don’t know and don’t care to know. The majority are blind guiding the blind.

Only seeking God, repenting of your sinful ways, and believe me they are many, you will have victory. My husband and I are changing our lives. Even now at our age, we are discovering how wrongfully we have been thought. God has been showing us how many things we have been practicing that are not pleasing to Him or according to His word. My excuse has always been, everyone does it! All Christians practice that! BUT NO MORE! The joy of my life is to please my God! He gave Himself completely to save me and to give me eternal and abundant life. Why would I not want to live for Him? Why can’t I leave my past practices and habits to please Him? Why not make the choice to live His life? Can’t you see that if you do this you will have the life you most desire?

This is to have live in abundance! The life Jesus died to give to you and me! To live the divine life, the life of God, is everything your soul longs for! You might be looking for that in other things but will not find it. Only in the life of God you will find it.

So let the enemy come like a flood! My God will lift up His standard and defeat him!

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” EPHESIANS 6:12 (KJV)

So shall they fear
The name of the Lord from the west,
And His glory from the rising of the sun;
When the enemy comes in like a flood,
The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.”  ISAIAH 59:19 (NKJV)




Mysteries of the Hebrew Language

In my last article we talked about the mystery of the name of God as written in the Hebrew language. I was saying that the rabbis, (Hebrew teachers of the Torah), have began to figure out that there are at least 70 dimensions of knowledge and wisdom in each letter of the Hebrew alphabet.

For example: each letter is also a number, etc. In my research I found that scientists have found Hebrew letters, more than that! They have found much more than that! Look at this conclusion written by one of them:

” This site comes to the conclusion that God has initialed DNA! Even signed it! DNA is a code for amino acids, which are the building blocks of protein.”

“I found that abbreviations or full versions of the 14 most common names of God, most of them found in the Hebrew Scriptures, appeared about 500,000 times in each human cell – i.e., trillions of times (500,000 x 10 trillion) in the human body. We appear to be saturated with the names of God – or at least his signature. One of the most common four letter words in the genes was YHWH, the full name of God; it appeared 500 times in each cell. Its common abbreviation, YH, appeared 35,000 times.”  (godindna.nz)

Today I am going to talk a little about the musical notes in each Hebrew letter. Music is very close to my heart because I grew up in a very musical family. My maternal grandmother was a profesional concert pianist and my mother played the piano beautifully. She also played the guitar and other musical instruments. She passed those gifts to us.


The Book of Psalms is a Hymnbook. All the Psalms were written to praise God, to make supplications to God, or to sin of His marvelous works. King David was the principal writer of the Psalms followed by the leader of the choir of the temple in        Yerusalem Asaph the levite. There was a group of levites that dedicated their lives to this task.

If each letter in the book of Psalms is a musical note, then what we need to know is which note belongs to each letter to be able to play that Psalm in an instrument or sing it with our voices.

Psalm 96:1-2 NKJV

96 Oh, sing to the Lord a new song!
Sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, bless His name;
Proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day.


I went to research to find out if any one has found this out! And sure enough there is a Hebrew profesor in Israel named Uri Harel who has found out and has founded the “The Music of God Project” He has made great discoveries of the music found in Scripture. Do you know that some of the rabbis say that God sang the creation into being? I don’t know if that is true but it sounds magnificent to me. Imagine hearing God singing in the midst of the universe! Wow! And maybe accompanied by multitudes of angels! Wow!

Did you know that the wisdom of God is unsearchable? That means that it does not have an end! It means that nothing can contain it! The more you find the more there is! But it is our job; should be our joy to search it out like treasures! Many people think that God is boring! They think that there is no mystery and excitement in searching His things and in knowing Him. That is one of the reasons young people go after the things of the world that they think will fill their desire to know more and to find great things. What a terrible deception! God has so much that exceeds their expectations! His mysteries are treasures that we should search for and discover! And when you have discovered some you will find out that it is only the surface, the beginning! There is so much more!

I am putting here for you a video that was hard to find but I found it! It is a performance of the 23rd Psalm as written in the Hebrew letters and played as the notes correspond to each letter. But let me warn you! You better have some tissues handy because you are going to need them. Enjoy and rejoice in your creator!

This is the music of God:


You do not know how excited I am to share this with you today! Ever since I started my new life with my God, my Abba, my Father, He has been taking me through roads I had never imagined. He is not only transforming my character and removing from my life the things that are not His, but the more I surrender to Him, He has started to show me His mysteries and secrets.

If it surprises you that I am using the words “mysteries” and “secrets” of God, you shouldn’t be! These words and concepts are mentioned in Scripture several times referring to things like what I am going to talk about today. Look for these words in your concordance and you will find them.

The Hebrew language is a mystery and it contains many secrets within it. Did you know that it was the original and only language spoken at the beginning of creation? Hebrew was and still is the language spoken in heaven. Before Adam and Eve sinned and were expelled from the Garden of Eden they spoke in Hebrew with God every day. Back then there was no other language. When they were kicked out they lost not only their glorious state and everything they had in the garden, but they also lost the Hebrew language of God. When God confused the languages in the tower of Babel, the Hebrew language ceased to exist. There is no “history” of this language. And it was only when God chose Abraham to be His chosen people that He taught the Hebrew to him in one night. This is a historical fact that few have knowledge of. In case you did not know there are many historical ancient books that were discovered in Israel that tell many details of the lives if the Israelites of old that coincide with what the Bible says. These books fill in the “wholes” or gaps that we have in the current Bible. In fact many of these ancient books used to be included in the first Bibles and some are even refereed to by Peter and Paul in their epistles. It was the kings whose names now appear in our Bibles and also the Vatican who decided to eliminate these books because they were inconvenient to their live styles. Isn’t that new!? They are still doing it now days! Changing, eliminating, watering down the Word of God. These are all historical facts that anyone can find if you know how to look.

The Rabbis say that the Hebrew language has at least 70 dimentions of knowledge and science within it. For example: Each letter is also a number, each letter is also a color, each letter is also a musical note, etc, etc, etc. At least 70! Can you imagine how much wisdom and knowledge it contains? Now I understand with more clarity the Scripture that says:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not [a]comprehend it.” John 1:1-5 

Can you see it? When God says that His things are unsearchable this is the kind of thing He is talking about!

Now that we have a basis for the divine language let’s look at the name of God and what it means. But first I have to tell you something very interesting and sad at the same time. Many years ago the Hebrew priests and scribes decided on their own that it was not proper to say God’s name. They were afraid of saying it wrong so they started to substitute His name with “The Lord” and other names that to this date we still use. The problem with this is that it contradicts the wishes and directions of God! For example:

And it shall come to pass
That whoever calls on the name of the Lord
Shall be saved.” Joel 2:32 (NKJV)

God want you to call Him by His name! He wants to be known by you through His name! But how will you do it if you do not know it?

Let me present to you the name of God in His language!

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The Hebrew language does not contain vocals, they are all consonants, and they add things like jots and tilles, etc. Don’t ask me why because it is beyond my comprehension. I studied Hebrew in college but I have forgotten mos of it. After what I have discovered I am going to retake my studies and learn the language of God because it is marvelous to me.

Do you remember the words of Yahusha (Jesus) when He said:

For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled.” Matthew 5:18 RVR 

Let me show you what He was talking about with some images.


The “Jot” is very clear in this image; it is a small letter. Here is another image of the tittle that is more clear that this one:


These letters are similar, it is the tittle that makes the second another letter completely. That tiny tail, or knob is what makes the difference!

What Yahusha meant is that not even a little tiny part of a letter of His Word would pass without it being fulfilled.

I am going to have to write a second part to this article telling you more of my discoveries of the Hebrew language. This part is already long and I have to feed my husband! Ha!

Are you ready to see what the letters of the Hebrew name of God mean? PREPARE YOURSELF!

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That is what the name of God means in the Hebrew language, and it is pronounced YAHUAH.


I think is time to sing some praises to our God! He loved us before the foundations of the earth!






A Mother’s Story…

With mother’s day approaching and reminiscing about my past and present I have learned many things about motherhood. I could tell  you many things about my own experiences being the mother of two precious daughters both good and not so good. This is true of all mothers. There is no perfect mother and by that matter there is no perfect child. So we can conclude that the things we live and the memories we hold are tainted by mistakes, sadness, and sometimes regret.


(Picture of my mother Alice Erdman holding me).

Listening to the Scriptures I came to the book of Luke where it relates the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. In chapter 2 verses 21-38 it relates the presentation of baby Jesus of 8 days old in the temple of Jerusalem. And then the strangest thing happens! An old man named Simeon approaches the new parents and takes the baby in his arms, raises Him up and praises God for Him. Joseph and Mary marveled at this and watch in astonishment as this old man blesses God for letting him see “His Salvation” You see, God had made old Simeon a promise! That he would not die until he had seen the promise of God fulfilled. No wonder he was filled with Joy! He now said:

“Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace,
According to Your word;
For my eyes have seen Your salvation
Which You have prepared before the face of all peoples,
A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles,
And the glory of Your people Israel.”   LUKE 2:29-32


And then he directed his words to Mary; the mother of Jesus and said:

“And a sword will pierce your very soul” Luke 2:35a

So far everything Mary had experienced as the mother of the Son of God had been no less than wonderful and miraculous. In the short time since the angel appeared to her and announced she was to become this blessed woman that would bring the Savior to the world she had seen the hand of God do everything He had promised and I am sure she marveled and praised God in her soul every day. Do not forget how young she really was!


I wonder what she thought when she heard old Simeon’s words. She would have to wait thirty three years to find out their horrifying meaning.

Strangely enough for most of us nothing of the “suffering” of Mary as the mother of Jesus is said in neither of the Gospels. As a  mother myself, and the meager suffering I have gone through in comparison, I cannot imagine the pain she suffered when her Son was arrested, tried unjustly and then crucified as the worst of criminals right in front of her. You have to remember that this was God Himself! He never gave her any trouble! Can you imagine having a son like that? He was absolutely perfect! He must have blessed her life in ways we can only imagine! And then to end like this!


But we do not find her lacking faith in God! We do not find her giving up! And she never tried to get attention for herself. From the very beginning this was her attitude:

 “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” LUKE 1:38a

“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” LUKE 2:19

And part of her praise to God after the annunciation:

 And Mary said,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;for he who is mighty has done great things for me,and holy is his name…” LUKE 1:46-49

What a humble gracious lady! No wonder God who knows the hearts and not the outward appearance chose her to be the mother of His Son!

As mothers of much much less perfect children lets not forget how much God loves them. No matter how much they stray or how much they might hurt you, do not lose hope! God listens to your prayers and He is faithful. Do not give up on that child that has broken your heart. God also promised to give you comfort:

“You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book.” PSALM 56:8

(I was given this verse as a promise some time ago as I prayed for my children).

I am writing this for all mothers. Sooner or later you will confront a tough situation with your child that is too hard for you to handle. What to do? There is only one place to go, and that is to God. Men do not have the answer, only God does. Remember He is as far as a whisper from your mouth and a scream from a broken heart. God wants you to come to Him and ask Him for your child.





For the very few of you who have read me and followed my blog, as you know I have not been writing for quite a while. I have to confess that I have been discouraged from sharing anything it all. I have been under attack from those that do not believe my testimony is valid or even credible. And also from some that have interpreted my boldness of what happened (https://hisinfinitegrace.wordpress.com/my-testimony/) as bragging as if it was the major accomplishment in my life.

What these naysayers do not understand and what I have finally have learned from God is that these kind of opposition is to be expected. When Jesus our Savior said things that were contrary to what people, and especially the religious people of His time believed taught AND practiced, they not only disagreed with Him and attacked Him, but ultimately murdered Him. So what did I expect!?

Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 2 Timothy 3:12 (NKJV)

And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved. Matthew 10:22 (NKJV)

 …and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Romans 8:17 (NKJV)

18 “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. John 15:18-20 (NKJV)

I am glad and grateful to my God and Father for letting me go through this process. At first, after my ordeal and the Lord my Abba showing me His amazing and infinite love and forgiveness for what I had done, I thought that people; my brothers and sisters in Christ would be elated, and rejoice with me in the miraculous life he has graciously given me and in the transformation of my life and my character ever since. I remember a person telling me: “Oh! You are just floating in the clouds Estrella! One of these days you will find out that nothing is changed and you will come crashing down back to the earth and be like everybody else!” Well! I did find out that nothing has changed in this world or even in the church. But I also found out that my Redeemer lives! He, my Jesus, my God, my Savior, my everything not only lives but lives in me! And I have not been dissuaded from His love or His Word. I am bolder than I have ever been before, and plan to continue till the end! The reason I speak so much of what happened is because of that one incident, God gave me life, and changed and continues to transform my life! It was the turning point for this one religious sinner to finally come to met with Jesus face to face, see who I was and how much I needed Him. It was the transforming moment that gave me life.

Because if God my Abba could change the life of this self righteous religious abiding, unforgiving and bitter woman, who had her secret sins and felt the burning guilt of those sins she could not conquer, and after she gave up on her family, herself and on her God; it was His mercy, His unending grace, that gave her new life not only physical life but the life of Christ to be a light unto the world that surrounds her.

This is the reason I have been so open and bold with sharing the trials and struggles that come into my life. Not to expose anyone, or to gossip about me or any member of my family, but to share how my Father teaches me to deal with these situations and solve them as He would. I know that some have been offended by this, but I do not apologize because this is what God has shown me to do. I have no other purpose to be on this earth for! This is the reason God made me and the reason I am alive! If this is not enough for some, fine, God was so patient with me for so long that who am I to judge you if you do not get it.

So brace yourselves because I am not going to be quiet on the amazing love of the works of God in my life. I am not supposed to be here! I died and God brought me back to be  testimony. And that is what I am going to do. Be a perfect person, not yet! God is still working on me! And I had so much to get rid of that was not His! The thing is to continually allow Him to transform me. Step by step one step at a time.

I am loving each moment of this amazing life my God, my Abba has given to me! This is joy beyond compare! When I first became a believer in Jesus Christ I felt a bit of this. And then life and its cares took care blinding me to it. But I always knew that there had to be more to knowing God than what I knew so far, I knew that what I had was not working and was not enough. And now I have it! How can I keep this all to myself!? This is like dinamite! A light that cannot be hidden! When a river gets overflown by a storm it brakes it’s bounds and floods! This is what the life of God does in the life of anyone who will receive Him.

If you are not experiencing this transforming life I envite you to receive Jesus as your personal Savior and let God adopt you as His child. His love is enormous! His grace enough to forgive anything you have ever done. He loves you and longs to have a personal relationship with you. And if you are a religious person who is not experiencing this, there is a problem there. It is impossible to have God in you and not change! It is impossible to have His life in you and not impact you in amazing ways that are visible not only to  yourself but every one who is around you. All you have to do is be willing to talk to God and let it all go! Tell Him everything! Give it all to Him! He knows what to do! And He loves you much more that you can ever imagine. I am praying for you!


Dealing with stress and discouragement.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and gathering together of family and friends. It is great when everything is going well and you do have a family and lots of friends to join your parties and celebrations.


But there are lots of people out there who do not have such blessings. Lots of people are alone, abandoned by family and they have no friends. And this happens regardless of social status, in every town and country and even worse, among the people in the church. You can be surrounded by people and still feel all alone because you do not feel accepted and understood.


And then there are the people for whom everything is going great and all of a suden a tragedy cuts through the middle of the “joy” and brings unspeakable sorrow. Someone in the family dies unexpectedly, someone in the family does something unforgivable, you have a terrible loss, etc. Any of these things can crush your “joy”  and your holiday celebrations are practically over in a second.

So how do you deal with it? What do  you do?

For the children of God is a matter of choice and faith.

Number 1. Do I believe God through the circumstances of my life no matter how “bad” they look?

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (ROMANS 8:28) (nkjv).

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” (PSALM 23:4) (nkjv).

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) (nkjv)

I could go on and on listing scriptures of the promises of God in our behalf. We all know them don’t we? But do we believe them when it comes to the moment we really need to! These moments are the ones that test us! Everything gets tested! So this is first; believing. Because if you do not there is no use going on.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” (HEBREWS 11:6) (nkjv).

It is imperative to know that it is your choice that determines your outcome in this life. And a life without God and a close relationship with him is no life it all. Not on this earth or in the life after.

Number 2. The second choice I want to talk about today is the one we make when we are hit with “bad news”. You know yourself and know how you usually react when this happens. First comes the shock, you might go into denial. I remember when I got the news that my father had died of a heart attack when he was only 57 years old. I got the phone call at 3 am and went back to bed in disbelief. I could not cry and tried to go back to sleep! Of course I could not and finally got up and started packing for my trip to go be with my family.

Another way some of us react is to start doubting the love of God for you. This is the ultimate goal of the enemy! Because he will do anything for you not to believe that God loves you. The way the devil got so many angels to follow him when he got thrown out of heaven, was to convince them that God is unjust. Have you ever struggled with those kind of thoughts? Oh I have! So here is choice No, 1 again! Do I believe what God tells me or what the devil tells me!

Choices, choices, choices! It is all up to you!

I was listening to the Scriptures today and I found something wonderful!

In the Old Testament of the Bible we have the history of king David. In 1 Samuel chapter 30 he had quiete a stressful situation going on. He had gone to battle and while he was gone, some of his enemies came to town and took it. They also took the women and children captive. When he came back with his men, everyone was mad a David. They even wanted to stone him because they blamed him for what had happened. This was not the only “bad” thing that was happening to David now! King Saul was perusing him to get him killed! He even had to pretend to be insane to save himself! So I would say he had more than enough reason to say he was stressed and enough reason to be discouraged. Would’t you say? But instead this is what he did:

 “Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” 1 Sam. 30:6 (nkjv)

David STRENGTHENED HIMSELF IN THE LORD HIS GOD! WOW! Even after all of the stuff he was going through, David still believed God! And his choice was not only to believe God, but to  take his strength from Him! Was that enough? Did that do the job? You better believe it!

I have been living this in my own life. If you know me and you are familiar with my story, you know my experience with extreme depression. This would have been a very difficult holiday season for me if I did not have God to chose. It would have been an impossible holiday season for me if I had not chosen to strengthen myself in the Lord my God.

What is your choice? I highly recommend God. He will never let you down, and he will never abandon you. His love is enough.







CHOOSING is the only thing that God expects and demands from his children. God does not expect you to save yourself or to earn your salvation, his grace, his acceptance, his love, or any of the things he offers you. On the contrary! God knows that in our own strength we are incapable of doing any of these things. That is the reason that He gave Himself to us and did all of it for us.

But you know that there is god and evil that surrounds us at every turn. We cannot escape it as long as we are in this world. In these later days the lines that used to make the differences between good and evil clear have been blurred by the indifference of the children of God. There has been an acceptance of many a thing that before, a child of God, a Christian would never have accepted.  We do not see things as black and withe any more. We see them in many shades of gray, and as long as we pick a gray which we consider is as close to white, we are doing good. Do we not realize that God does not see it that way? To Him, and that is what counts, there is ONLY black and white! Good and evil. There is no in between for God.

God has called us, his children, his beloved to be the LIGHT of the world like Jesus is. To be that we have to be like Him. In which other way are we going to be the LIGHT of this lost world?

I hear people saying how horrible things are going in the world. How it is going from bad to worse rapidly. And it is true! God said it was going to happen! But do you know realize that a big part of the decay of morality and acceptance of sin has to do with the “children of God” not being the LIGHT? If you bring a light into a dark room, the darkness is gone intermediately! Light and darkness cannot coexist in the same place! You either have one or the other.

When the children on God, the church starts accepting evil as good and good as evil, you do not have light any more, it is darkness that prevails. The purpose of God for your life is not only to reach you. The purpose of God for your life is to save  you, to make you his child, for you to know Him, so you can reach others who are lost like you were and they can see the life of God in you; see His light and want it desperately. But the only way for this to happen is if you and I reflect the life of Jesus in our daily lives.  God’s purpose for your life is for you to be a living testimony of His love to others.

Jesus was so different than any body else that some people admired him and wanted to be around him. Others hated him because his life and the way he behaved became a reproach to them. Is your life a reproach to others? Or are you like every body else. It is more comfortable to be like everyone else and get along! Do not rock the boat!

You might say: But I am not Jesus! Really? Don’t you realize that if you are a Christian, a believer, you are supposed to be like Jesus? That is why he gave his life! To transform you into  his image! Than means to be like Him. If you are not, you are not doing the will of God.

It is only like this that you can be a part of the family of God. A son and a daughter os God. You cannot change yourself. You cannot do the good works God has for you on your own strength. Your own efforts and works are rubbish in his eyes. Only God can do his transforming work in your life to make you his child, and them accomplish his purposes in your life. But here we come back to the begging of this short article: You have to choose! This is your part! Choosing!

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 24:15

Everything depends from your desicion. What do you choose?


Lord, Save me!!

We’ve had a really busy summer, so much that I have been very distracted and preoccupied. Among so much activity there is no lack of conflict. Situations have come up that that have taken me by surprise and I have been disappointed with some of the outcomes of my endeavors.  Helping people is something that I love to do. It is something that God has put in my heart, and I do it out of His love which he pours unconditionally and without limit. On the other hand, helping does not always turn out like one plans it.

Through all of it my relationship with God has remained intact. But I was getting worn out, burned out and depressed. In other words I started to sink! Do you remember what happened to Peter?


Matthew 14:22-33 NKJV

Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away.23 And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there. 24 But the boat was now in the middle of the sea,[a]tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. 25 Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. 26 And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear.

27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”

28 And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”

29 So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. 30 But when he saw that the wind was boisterous,[b] he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

31 And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

33 Then those who were in the boat came and[c] worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

So that is what happened to me!

I have been living the life of God for 8 years. So I am able to recognize right away when I slip away from it to live a human life. To live a human life is to take my eyes off my Jesus and look at the tormentous sea, consider that I am in danger and give way to fear and panic. Humans live like that constantly. I know very well because I lived like that for 50 years. God’s life is amazing, dynamic, He never stops creating, preforming miracles, acting out life! Just read what Jesus did in the 3 years that He was in public ministry. He had a constant life of purpose, of giving life, of helping people. He was so full of life that He was never needy. That is what the life of God is like.

So I felt I was slipping away form His life and I stopped myself in my own tracks to speak to my Father: “Here I am Father! Save me! I cannot do this myself! You know me! I am your child! I need yo more than ever! Without you I am nothing and can do nothing! Do something to pull me out of this whole I am falling into. I want to see You! Let me see your glory again!

I continued with my day somewhat relieved that God was in charge and I had left it all to Him. I rested in that fact. The next morning I had a long list of things to do and I started early. I had forgotten to turn on my cell phone and went to do it. Right away I got a text from a dear relative. Are you up? She asked.  Yes! I answered. I just forgot to turn on my phone. What’s up? Are you a prophet? She asked! What!? I said. So I called her up. When she answered my call she said, let me send you a picture. So I waited for it while we continued to speak. When I saw the picture I started tu jump for joy and told her: I told you! I told you God was going to make this happen! I cannot tell you the details of what happened to my dear relative because that story does not belong to me. But let this be enough for you to understand: What is happening is way overdue for more than 40 years! In fact it is humanly imposible for this to be going on now! A whole life time has gone by! But now God has brought it to pass! But the most amazing thing to me is that God had told me a long time ago that it was going to happen! When I had told this to my relative, she had laughed with incredulity and told me I was crazy. It kind of reminds me of Abraham and Sara when God told them they would have a son in their old age. Well, this one is just as unlikely. That is, without God! But with Him there is no such a thing as impossible. Nothing is impossible for God!

When I hung up the phone I was in His glory! I was praising Him! Thank you Abba! You are wonderful! You are amazing! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Thank you Father!!!!


As if this event was not enough, God did another couple of things the following day to show me how much He cares for me. He reinforced and strengthened my faith and dependence on Him to the extent that all those feelings I was having disappeared completely.

Do you see how it is to live God’s life? It is dynamic! It is active and it affects your every day life in a practical way! Things happen! And they happen in miraculous ways! This is God’s life, and it is the only life I an interested in living.

But then I was tested. God always allows this to happen for 2 very important reasons: 1. God wants me to double check, to probe to me that it is Him doing His wok in me. 2. God wants to strengthen my faith. He wants to make sure than nothing or no one will move me from believing Him because our relationship depends from it. So one night I felt an old illness attack me, and strongly. In fact I could not sleep all night. It continued the following day so I spoke to my Father: “I know that this is not in any way a surprise to you! I am Your child and You know everything about me. You had already healed me from this, so, What are You doing? Tell me so that I can agree with You and follow your lead. Do you want me to go to the doctor and let him preform the next option he had suggested to help me live my life? You know I cannot live like this! Here I am Abba! I trust You!”

That same day I went to do some things with my daughter in Ringwood. I shared with her this testimony and also what was going on with my health. I told her I had left it in God’s hands and would do as He directed. She had seen me suffer with that situation before and told me: “That’s not good!” with a frown on her face. “Oh dont worry!” I said. I am not going to let it go on and on. So I rested in the knowledge that my Father is in charge.

When I was on my way home, I felt a definite  change on the way I was feeling. The bothersome symptoms disappeared and I was fine! That night I slept like a baby!

This is living God’s life! Things happen! I believe, I receive. This opens the gates of heaven for God to show Himself powerful in my behalf. It is God’s promise!:

Romans 8:28 NKJV

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

This is for every child of God who chooses to believe Him. I sure hope you are one of them. God bless you!


Don’t ever tire of doing good…

Sometimes the good things we do to help others do not turn out like we expected. It just happened to me. I put in so much work and effort to help someone who needed it, I did everything possible to get good results, I spent energy, money, and everything I know how to do this. I was sure it would pay off! But I failed.

It pained me to see my little person’s face of disappointment at the pitiful results of months of work and expense. She thanked me in tears and apologized to me for the results like if it had been her fault. I felt so bad for her! Since we expected the support of church, family and friends, it was hard when only about 30 people showed up. Please do not get me wrong, I am immensely grateful for those that did come. And they had the treat of their lives by the way! The concert was fabulous! So I am not talking about that part of it. In fact my nephew who gave the concert and his mother, were very gracious about the practically empty concert hall and he preformed beautifully for us few who were there.

How do I feel about the whole thing?

I have been tempted on giving up on people, to feel worthless, and to feel that no one cares. I have been tempted to resent people, to close my eyes to the needs I see and never help again. It has been hard for a few days!

And then I heard God’s voice telling me:

DON’T GET TIRED! DO NOT FORGET WHO YOU ARE! And then He brought this scriptures to my mind:

Colossians 3:23-24

23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for[a] you serve the Lord Christ.

So I remember Who is my Father, Whom I belong to, and that He is responsible for me!

I have never helped someone with selfish interests. It brings me enormous pleasure to help. Where does that come from!? I am sure it os not from myself! It has to come from God, because without Him there is nothing good in me! So why is it that this has bothered me so?

I am sure God allowed this to happen to show me this lesson and  I am grateful. In fact His grace over me and through me is so great, that I have just invested in helping two people today. All those feelings I had vanished!

His grace is more than enough!



When we came back to Fairview after our absence for 2 years, we bought a house and my desire to garden came back. I had gardened for years before my terrible bout with depression; in fact it was one of the things I did that even then brought me a measure of pleasure. My husband who had been a close witness to my process of coming back to life, was elated to see me doing something I loved so much again. He helped me get all  my seeds and flowers and did all the heavy lifting for me. Our vegetable and flower garden was beautiful.

One of the flowers I chose were red geraniums. These are lovely flowers that I have grown for many years. I picked a couple of very good and more expensive plants. Then when the growing season was over, I hated to have to throw them out. Since geraniums are not perennials they would die as soon as the first freeze hit. Then it occurred to  me! Put them in the garage for the winter by the window and take care of them so they might survive. So we did.

All throughout the winter we continued to water them to make sure they did not die. By the time we could take them back out, they looked pretty bad. They had a bunch of dead leaves and they looked terrible.


But they were alive! My husband put them up on a bench so I could reach them. I took the time to carefully clean them up leaf by leaf and branch by branch. Garden shears on hand I clipped off all the dead branches and got them all free of debris. They looked bare when I was done!


But now they could be free to regenerate and fill up with new greenery and flowers. I feed them and watered them and put them in the warm sunshine. In a couple of weeks this is what they look like:


Isn’t it wonderful? As I was working on the cleanup God spoke to me through what I was doing. A mental picture came to my mind of how God cleans me up from everything that is not good, of the things that hinder my relationship with Him, and of the things that are of no value to my life as His child. Oh the care He takes when He cleanses me! Just like I did with my geranium which had a few tender shoots coming up and were so fragile I could have broken them! But instead I took extreme care to avoid hurting them while I removed the dead stuff. Just like that, and even more care my Father has with me, and with you, when He cleans us up.

And what is His purpose? Just the same as mine with my geranium! So I can give more fruit! What does that mean? It means that then I can live His life to the fullest! Living the life of God in me is radically different to living a human lived life. That is why His cleansing is so important and vital.

I love the way God speaks to me through everything if I am listening. And I am learning to be ready to listen to Him every day and in everything. His voice is wonderful!

John 15:1-8(TLB)

15 “I am the true Vine, and my Father is the Gardener. He lops off every branch that doesn’t produce. And he prunes those branches that bear fruit for even larger crops. He has already tended you by pruning you back for greater strength and usefulness by means of the commands I gave you. Take care to live in me, and let me live in you. For a branch can’t produce fruit when severed from the vine. Nor can you be fruitful apart from me.

“Yes, I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in me and I in him shall produce a large crop of fruit. For apart from me you can’t do a thing. If anyone separates from me, he is thrown away like a useless branch, withers, and is gathered into a pile with all the others and burned. But if you stay in me and obey my commands, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted! My true disciples produce bountiful harvests. This brings great glory to my Father.


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